I have never really been one to trust in God's provision. I know. I know. That sounds awful. I believe in it and when I look back over the last few years of my life I can definitely see that God has been working out some cool things. But to trust in it? I mean really trust in it? To wholeheartedly believe that there is no way apart from God for something to happen and actually believe that He will do it? Sure, I believe in that for salvation. But to believe that God actually takes care of physical needs? I can't say I've ever really been to that point. Until now.
This blog has been an amazing opportunity for us to share our thoughts on trying to live as Jesus did, our prayers, our needs, our day to day life, etc. But over the past week God has really outdone himself. Twice in the past week we have been given large checks. We have been praying for God's provision and to really see the Christian community at work and we have seen it! We really struggled with Israel and whether or not God wanted us to go. We knew that we needed to go somewhere and do something, but weren't quite sure what it was. We signed up for Israel knowing that if God wanted us to go then He would provide the money. The money wasn't there and we took that as a sign that God did not want us to go. But then we had a few days of soul searching. We are willing to be used and open to what God lays before us. Why is He not using us? If he owns the cattle on a thousand hills why could He not come up with $7000 for us to go to Israel? Maybe He doesn't want to use us. Maybe we misread His intentions...
I think that God is preparing us. I don't think we're ready now for whatever God is calling us for, but He is shaping us and molding us into the people we need to be (more on this in a later blog). How do I know that God has not forsaken us and still has a plan, even though the funds for Israel weren't there? We have been struggling with bills this summer. With me not teaching until August and Shauna getting laid off we didn't have the money that we needed and we had to trust God. God has given us more in the past week through generous friends, extra students, etc., than we were able to raise for Israel! But maybe you're reading into things Shane. Can you really discern all of that about God just because of money?
The money is a side factor. It really is. There are a million ways that God could have taken care of our bills this summer. Should I put stock in myself? I've had more summer students than ever! And I picked up a side job at a warehouse downtown three days a week! But we were still left needing. God choose to take care of us by leaving us to depend on Him and others. It's a very uncomfortable place to be, but God has shown me much in a very short period of time.
Here are a few highlights:
1) We are SO unworthy of all of this. I look at people that are needier than we are. I see people that love God more than we do. I hear of people that are serving God more than we ever dreamed. Yet God is taking care of us. People are choosing to support us. There's no way to explain people giving a flip about Shauna and I except for God. We're just normal people trying to figure out what it means to follow God and love people. And honestly? We stink at it. But we press onward knowing that for some reason God is keeping our heads above water.
2) We have been very flippant with our money in the past. Our flippancy (wow spellcheck didn't pick that up, I guess it really is a word!) with our money has not caused our current status, but being where we currently are and looking carefully about how our money has been spent has really gotten us thinking. We horde stuff and spend money on stupid things. We're not alone. You probably do it too. But we're rethinking that. We're starting to sell off a lot of our stuff (starting with DVDs, Musical Stuff, and my car) and making sure that we are wise about future purchases.
3) We are also thinking about our income, especially after seeing people give away their money to support us. This is what we are called to do. We are fighting hard to get our bills down and increase our incomes not so that we can have more, but so we can give more. We are saving lots of money on food because Shauna is cooking every day. We've cut out superfluous spending. We're selling things to pay off our debts. Why? Because we believe that we have been given much so that we can give to others. But wait a minute. You don't have anything right now. You're depending on God for your bills. Exactly. We are trusting that God has brought us here to show us something and that He will lead us out of it stronger and more fully equipped to bring glory to Him.
So to those who haven given and prayed for us, we thank you. God has used you to meet our physical needs. But more than that, He has used you in ways that go far beyond the physical needs that we have. He has used you to be an example to us as to what we are supposed to be and what loving God looks like. We pray that we can be examples to others in this way.
-shane
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